Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
