Soap is not a condiment
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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