My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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