Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize