guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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