Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
