man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I looked at my own cervix.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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