we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
