Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
