absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
