Pappa wants mamma naked
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
