I didn't shave. On purpose
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
