I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
