I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You have to summon your inner elephant
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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