Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
