everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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