Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
