Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
