I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
