i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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