I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
