Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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