My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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