I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I smell stomach acid.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can you bring me the toilet please
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
