I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
