we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
