Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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