Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
are you so shy because you have an std?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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