whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
