You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize