My room smells like vodka and shame
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
