then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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