Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
