You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
