sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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