im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the raccoons are back...
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