At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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