last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
