I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
