You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
