Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
