..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
