i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Two words: nipple clamps
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
