K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
