I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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