Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
