is your mom at the bar?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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