my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
