anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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