I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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