I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
