in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
