Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So apparently I’m into choking now
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