lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
