My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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