i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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