How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
