I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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