last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
