i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
