my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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