Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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