You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
