yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
