don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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