apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I would ride that face into the sunset
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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