I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
