LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
