I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
