Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
