Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's like heaven, but drunker
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
