Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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