Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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