that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
