and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
