He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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