I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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