Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
