she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
