Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
