Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
