i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
