The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.