If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us