Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............