singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
These 27 Creepy People Did The Craziest Things To Prove Their Love
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life